Well douche your snatch and let's go!
420 ftw
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
