I think my fart just growled at me.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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