I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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