In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
