im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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