Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
