is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
