I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
