I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
