I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
