that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
