There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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