he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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