Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize