He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
