You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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