a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
