R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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