My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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