she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
