This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
