thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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