I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
