i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
