Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
