the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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