woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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