Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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