I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
