Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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