I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
