I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
