Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So squirting runs in the family.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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