I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
