oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
