Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
A+ Viking dick
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
