We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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