The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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