And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
