Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
