Yo dont text me then not text me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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