Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
