You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
