This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
