Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
