I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize