guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize