Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My vagina just recognized that song.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
