Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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