Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
there's paper in my vomit.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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