Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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