so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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