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Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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