Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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