I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
