Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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