The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
