Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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