My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
