Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
