I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
