yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
third nipple confirmed
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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