so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
