Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
