Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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