Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
