You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
