How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
