I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
