these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize