I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
